


Friendship-Freundschaft

by Sinwriter



Category: Call Me By Your Name (2017), Call Me by Your Name - André Aciman
Genre: America, Bottom Elio, Bottom Oliver, CMBYN - Freeform, Crema, F/M, Fights, Gay, Italy, Love, M/M, Multi, Music, Musical Instruments, Older Man/Younger Man, Poetry, Protective Oliver, Romance, Romantic Fluff, Rough Sex, Seasons, Sexual Content, Summer, Top Oliver, Travel, Vibrators, Violence, Winter, Years Later, protective elio perlman, top elio
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-31
Updated: 2018-01-10
Packaged: 2019-02-24 08:52:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13210287
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sinwriter/pseuds/Sinwriter
Summary: Summary.Time after Oliver left passed. Slowly but also too fast. Sometimes time can’t even drive two hearts aside, sometimes life can’t build guards for unwanted bullets. This is the story about the life after summer 1983, they will collide.





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to another fanfic. About two favorite boys, Elio and Oliver.  
> Hope you all enjoy!  
> Thank you  
> (!I don't know Italian language so sorry for mistakes!)  
> All love.

 

_Northern Italy Crema. Year 1986_

_A summer day. There sat Elio._

_Eating an egg._

_Perfectly boiled, cracked._

_Salt_

 

**_“Call me by your name,_ **

**_and I’ll call you by mine”_ **

 

 

_Monday August 10th some time before noon_

 

The sun felt breathless upon Elio’s back and shoulders. He didn’t care to wear a shirt or some kind of protection from the twirling sun. There the boy with brown locks sat, eating breakfast, his parents as well. His mother read the morning paper as his father drank some apricot juice Mafalda had made. Everything felt well, everything felt whole. Elio observed his parents carefully, his mother had her own head of brown locks, his dad wore his round glasses and to go with them a grayish beard, they both looked like something from a book. Stunning but also wonderful, his mother had a careful smirk on her lips, like always.

“Marzia wanted to go into town around noon, so I’ll get ready now” Elio spoke Italian fluently.

Elio’s parents looked up, first his mother Annella then his father Samuel, they still looked like yesterday and Elio like tomorrow. Both of them smiled and told him to tell the girl their best hellos, and to that Elio nodded and rose from the wooden chair. He left his parents in the summer breeze, in nothing but his purple shorts he went upstairs. The floor creaked a bit, signs of aging. Elio were to turn 20 springs, in two and a half weeks. He didn’t think much of it. He still lives with his parents and he keeps up with his music. Main focus on the pian but also the guitar. Carefully enough, he weren’t too thrilled of making a living out of it, even though sometimes he wished to. He keeps up with school and he handle it pretty well, just like his father did. Elio would be happy to follow in Samuels footsteps, creating a similar pattern in the snow. Picking flowers by his toes.

 

The window in his room stood open and everything smelled like a garden. Elio went for his closet, he rummaged for his jeans shorts, the ones he used to wear all summer long, they now had a few holes in them and he didn't have to pull them up as much. On his bedside table stood an empty glass and on his desk laid books filled with notes. To his loss he couldn’t find the shorts. He insisted that he would keep looking, as he faced the last drawer he found a piece of paper, something hidden, something forgotten. The paper had turned into a shade of yellow and it was folded once, and all Elio could manage to do was to unfold the small piece of paper. He read the note upon it, it was written in blue ink, the last sentence Elio uttered to himself like a screaming man inside a canvas, by a whisper. _“....at midnight”,_ Oliver.

* * *

* * *

 

“Elio!”

Yelled Marzia from where she stood outside a small store, hidden between two greenish buildings. She wore a yellow dress that caught Elio’s eyes, it had flowers on it, some were pink and some were blue, her hair in a bun. Marzia always amazed Elio, she wasn’t ordinary. To him she was openly beautiful. He waved as he approached her on his black brown bicycle, she would be moving to London soon, in a couple of months. To study. Elio believed in her, even though everyday he tried to convince her to stay. To convince her he couldn’t live alone, alone he wasn’t but lonely he felt.

As he stood in front of her he tipped down his black sunglasses and said

“Bonjour beautiful”

Marzia decided to tease him as she flashed him a smile, she began to tickle his stomach. Her thin long fingers danced upon his hips. He pushed her hands away and decided not to attack back, instead he embraced her with his arms. She smelled like old soap, something that made Elio feel calm. He liked her, he loved her.

 

* * *

 

They went around town a couple times, watching some waves hit rocks by the shore. They just enjoyed each other’s company, completely.

 

_Monday August 10th some time before midnight_

 

“Goodbye Elio” Marzia kissed his cheek, “goodnight Marzia” Elio yelled quietly as he watch her jump on to her bicycle and continue her way down the road. She turned her head around and waved, Elio watched her for another minute then opened the wooden door to the stone wall that surround most of the house. He placed his bicycle by the shed and started walking up towards the house

“Elio where have you been? It’s almost passed midnight!” Mafalda stood by the entrance as Elio continued to approached the house. She cared very much for the boy, she had been around for most of Elio’s childhood. At least the times he remember, he cared much for her as well. “Mafalda please, I went with Marzia” Elio swifted with his hands as he spoke, Mafalda mumbled something under her breath then went inside, behind her followed Elio.

The night had come to an end. Elio stood by his desk, he picked up an old magazine and skimmed through it, inside were pictures of men and women in the latest fashion. Beside the magazine laid the note, the note he found in the bottom

Of

A

Drawer

Oliver. He hadn’t thought about the tall man for a very long time. It had almost been three years since he last saw him, leaving in a train. In the beginning Elio heard nothing from him until late January, Crema covered in snow. The one phone call that crushed Elio. The call about the engagement.

Later on Oliver called a few times per month. He mostly spoke with Elio but also Samuel, they spoke about art and dull stuff. But the day Elio decided he wanted nothing more to do with his Elio, were they day when he got the letter

 

Elio Elio Elio

 

_Northern Italy Crema. Year 1984, Perlman’s resident. Sunday afternoon_ _._

 

_“Elio!” Mafalda’s voice echoes through the antique house._

_“Si?” Elio answer with another reachable yell from upstairs where he sat by his desk, writing a new combination of Bach and Frédéric Chopin. Something he actually felt proud of, something he actually felt._

_“Elio why don’t you answer me?” Mafalda appeared by his side, Elio pulled off his headphones. He tried to convince Mafalda that he had indeed answered her, but the argument fell to the ground like a feather, heavy as a stone._

_“A letter for you” Mafalda kissed the top of Elio’s head and left the boy in peace. Now on his desk laid a letter, it looked neat. On the letter it said “To Elio Perlman from a friend” and of course the address to the house. He picked up the letter and looked at it, he understood it was mailed from the United States, he just didn’t know why. He wanted to rip it open quickly, he wanted to smell it too. He looked at the wall by his door, there hung the blue shimmy Oliver had given him, the note too “From Elio to Oliver” Elio cherished it, he didn’t dare to wear it. He was afraid it would lose the touch of Oliver, his scent. The letter stayed on the table for two days until Elio just couldn’t contain himself. Maybe this were some type of confession from Oliver, maybe this time Elio would get him back for more than just a summer's day. As he opened the letter, the word “Wedding” catched his eyes. Elio folded the letter again, he folded it and folded it. Then Elio sat down by his desk, opening his notebook and putting on his headphones. He blasted an old song and found the paper where he had written his new combination he took a pencil and drew away and away so the notes slowly faded under the sea of ink._

 

_Norhtern Italy Crema. Year 1986. Tuesday August 11th some time in the middle of the night_

 

Elio never once spoke to the traitor again. He had many missed calls but after a while they began to fade too. A December wedding in America he never attended. His father and mother did, for Elio this stated his sore thumb, how could they. It had almost been two years a little less since he got his own personal letter of a wedding invitation.

Elio now regret not erasing all of his past. He sat on his bed, thinking about this made him scrumble, he turned towards the wall by his door, the blue shimmy were gone. Completely naked he felt. And he let the years fall.

 

_Tuesday August 11th some time around noon_

 

“Ellie Belly” Elio stirred awake, his father never grew tired of calling his son by his nickname. “Yeah?” The silhouette of his father in front of him, Elio rubbing his eyes “dad, what time is it?” Samuel laughed “noon, I thought it would be a nice time for you to wake up” Elio sat up and nodded. Down Elio’s neck graced dried tears. Yesterday was a nightmare. As Samuel left the room he opened the window and said “let the summer in Elio”. And Elio wanted to drown the sun. 

 

Elio gave his mother and father a kiss on the cheek. “Well good morning to you sleepyhead” his mother sounded proud saying so.

“Good morning mom” Elio not so. He spent most of whatever youth he had left, sleeping, Elio placed himself in a chair opposite to his mother. Now sitting in front of her

“Did you have fun last night?” Samuel spoke from the further of the outside table. Elio nodded for his father to see, “good” Samuel answered to the nod.

“Well Elio Elio, what should we do for your birthday then?” Mafalda blocked some of Elio’s mothers speaking by placing new boiled eggs on the table, she then disappeared into the kitchen. “Well maybe throw a small gathering? With just close friends” with that’s said Elio shrugged his shoulders, await Annella’s answer. “That sounds wonderful! You could go swimming and eat a nice meal” a pleasant answer from her he received

“Great” to that Elio bit into an apple.

Great, another weak birthday. Breakfast passed now and all Elio did that day was swimming and playing some piano, reading a bit of a new book. And just relaxing like any normal human being would.

 

_Saturday August 27th morning_

 

Elio upon his sheats in his bed, Saturday morning. Also his birthday. He laid awake thinking about stuff, then he heard the whispers from outside his room, he gently pretended to sleep.

“Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear Elio happy birthday to you!”

Elio slowly opened his eyes to see his mother, father and Mafalda before him dressed all nice and singing, Mafalda held a cupcake and a gift. “Thank you” Elio wrapped his spaghetti arms around everyone, kissing their cheeks. Mafalda placed the cupcake on his bedside table and then gave the gift for Elio to open. Elio looked at the it, blue and orange striped wrapping paper on top of the packaging sat a white ribbon. “Come on Elio open it” his mother more excited than the birthday boy himself. Elio silently ripped the edges of the wrapping. He never liked birthdays, the awkwardness of being “worshiped” the whole day. All of the wrapping now fell to the floor, in Elio’s hands a box now laid rather small, whatever this could be. Elio’s fingers lifted the top of the box, a necklace. A gold necklace that spelled his name “Elio” he said out loud. He hugged his mom and dad once more and said his thanks, with some help from his mother the necklace now slept on Elio’s collarbones.

 

_Saturday August 27th later on the day_

 

As Elio and his mother decided it would only be a small gathering of friends he held close. Mafalda cooked with some help from Anella. Elio enjoyed the day with his friends, for them he played some piano and they all thrilled together. Later on the night everyone sat outside singing and giving gifts. Marzia gave Elio a book he had been wanting to get for a few weeks now, he just never got around to do it. He kissed her on her lips, such as saying thank you but rather deeply. They still had a spark between them, but neither of them dared to light it.

The night came to an end and Elio gave his great goodbyes, he pretended to be old and hunched his back over in an old man voice he said “goodbye everyone, and thank you all for coming” Some of them laughed others were a bit tipsy and wobbled their way away, Elio hugged the ones who were still by him goodbye. Who knew if he’d ever see them again.

Tomorrow they might have only existed yesterday. Elio then stepped inside the house and went towards the kitchen. Inside of it stood Mafalda and his mother helping each other with the occupation of many unwashed plates. “Could I be to any help?” both women turned quickly around, surprised by his company, they hadn’t heard him. Anella walked to her son and kissed him on the nose gently “No darling you go to bed”, Elio nodded and turned to walk out but before he had gone long he heard his mother once more “Oh and Elio?” He turned towards her “Sì?” He said, she smiled and looked a bit concerned. She longed to say something. Something which would cause him a lot of pain but pleasure the most she hoped, but instead “happy birthday” Elio smiled “mamma it’s past midnight it’s no longer….” before he finished his sentence Anella nodded and went deeper inside the pale kitchen. And then began Elio’s journey up the stairs.

 

_Somewhere in America_

 

“Ella?” The tall blonde man rushed up the stairs, searching for his wife. “Yes, I’m in here!” Opening up the bedroom door, on the white bed sat his wife reading an old book from year 1965. The man held a letter, “look” he said, for her eyes to catch. “What is it my love?” Ella looked concerned not knowing how to accept her husband's behavior. He had never been more thrilled, “I’ve been invited to stay over winter” the man looked at the letter once more then to his wife’s blue eyes. “Where, where have you been invited?” Ella placed her hand upon her husbands naked broad shoulders, rubbing him up and down “They’ve found other parts of ancient sculptures!” Ella still sat baffled, worried “what does this mean love?” She dared to ask. “Well they want me to write new documentations for it” he smiled brightly. “Oh that sounds wonderful, but where is this place? your talking about and **whom** wants you to write this?” Ella kisses her husband's right cheek. He looked at her blue eyes meeting his. Then he held her hand

“Mr Perlman, Italy, in Crema” and then Oliver’s mind consisted with nothing but hazel green eyes.

 


	2. Chapter Two

 

_Northern Italy Crema. Year 1986_

_Upstairs sat Elio_

_By his desk._

_Thinking_

 

**_“I’m sick aren’t I?”_ **

**_“I wish everyone was as sick as you.”_ **

 

_September 8th afternoon_

  


Elios friends had planned a trip, a trip to the outside of town not far away from his home. They were to spend only a night there camping out, Elio decided he wanted to come, some time needed away from the house with scars. Marzia had asked him only yesterday when they spoke over phone late at night, whisper as morning arrived.

Inside the houses big living room sat Anella, on her head sat a pair of headphones her hands swifted with the tunes that filled her ears. Elio watched her she looked happy, he crept upon her.

Elio decided to leave a kiss on his mother’s exposed shoulder, she plucked the headlines off. “Mamma?” He sounded small “Sì amore mio?” She answered. “Some friends wanted to go camping a bit outside of town, could I go?” Elio smiled brightly. “Ask your father Elio, I can’t decide on my own” Elio rolled his eyes and pleaded with his hands “please, would you say yes?” Now Anella raised her finger in front of her mouth hushing Elio “ask your father, now go, I’m listening to this new song” Elio left his mother in peace and sneaked out only to not disturb his mother any more.

 

Elio stepped outside and saw his father sitting under a tree, reading something. His body language seemed concerned. “papà!” Elio went to his father, sprinting slowly across the grass. “Sì Elio?” He sat down beside his father and looked at his papers,

work

work.

And some letters, Elio passed them slowly with his eyes some of them were from America. But before Elio could read to much into what this meant his father breathed in deeply. “Are you alright Elio?” Elio nodded “yeah I’m fine, what’s all this?” the boy gestured his arms to show that he meant all the papers in front of him and his dad. “Oh this, well we found something, something great” Samuel smiled and said nothing more of it “now what’s on your mind?” Elio met his father’s eyes. The tree covered them both from the sun, the day still felt like morning “Well Marzia asked me if i’d like to join Joel and Marco, and her of course. To go camping outside of town, only for a night” Elio played with a straw of grass. “It sounds like a lot of fun” came the answer.

Even though Elio turned 20 years only some time ago, he had to ask for permission if he were to live under his parents house, they still saw him as their short boy. “Yes, and it’s not far away” this Elio added. Samuel nodded “sure you may go, but please ask your mother too” Elio smiled and kissed his father’s head. ”Molte grazie”

Elio stood up and left his father busy under the tree, “oh and Elio!” Elio turned around just before Elio had entered the house “Sì!” Samuel scratched his head “I would like to know where this “outside of time” takes place” Elio nodded his head “I’ll check with Marzia” Elio went inside to the kitchen grabbing a kiwi from the fruit bowl and then cutting it with a knife, taking a spoon and turning towards the upstairs.

 

_Somewhere in America. morning September 8th_

 

“Have you decided yet Oliver?” Ella sipped on a water bottle, sitting in the kitchen with her husband having breakfast, ”decided what love?” Oliver sat like a confused puppy in front of his wife. “About Italy silly” Oliver raised his eyebrows “no, no I don’t think I should go” Oliver took an apricot from the fruit bowl. Ella smiled “and why’s that, you seemed so happy about it only a few weeks ago” Ella looked at her husband and he at her. “I already have a lot in my hands right now, I’m not sure that I got time to travel and the financial resources for it” Oliver looked at his apricot now half eaten. “I know darling, but wouldn’t it be good for you? To take some time off? And write, you love writing don’t you? And money we’ll always have” Ella took the apricot from Oliver and took a bite, Oliver smiled and grabbed it back “don’t take my apricot, and yes it would be... _wonderful_..” he keeps his thoughts to himself. “I can’t just leave you Ella, that’s impossible” Ella smiled to that statement “well take me with you then” Oliver laughed to this, his green knitted sweater hugging his stomach as it went up and down. “Ella I can’t just take you with me, it’s even more expensive. And what about Eli..what about Mr Perlman” Ella gave him a look of disappointment, “stop being so worried all the time, I can take care of myself and like I said there will always be money” Ella stood up from her chair “you decide love, I’ll go for a run okay?” Oliver nodded as Ella went upstairs to change into something to run in. Still he sat, wearing a pair of comfortable shorts. They’re not as short as those he wore in summer days, they’re just about over the knees. The half eaten apricot still bathed in the palms of Oliver’s hands, still bathed still smelled like things not even William Shakespeare can write. And Oliver stood up.

 

_Italy Crema September 8th evening_

 

“I don’t know, I’m just worried about him” Anella spoke with Samuel and gestured with her arms and hands as she talked just like Elio did sometimes “why Anella he’s 20 years old you have to let him be” Anella ran her hands through her hair as her husband tried to convince her that Elio could possibly handle himself, Samuel didn’t even believe in his own thoughts as he thought them. “Sam I know he’s hurting, you know that too” Samuel nodded and smiled sadly, “I don’t think time will heal what he felt” Samuel nodded to that too. “No, no he won’t” Anella sat down beside Samuel on the sofa and they both looked at each other. Elio became a sudden painting of a crying man, kept still in time.

* * *

 

Elio laid on his back, speaking on the phone they had brought up to his room.

**Elio**

“Yeah it’s alright I can come”

**Marzia**

_“Are you sure Elio?”_

**Elio**

“Yeah I asked dad and he said in quote “it sound like a lot of fun”

**Marzia**

_“Great! It’s gonna be super fun, it’s only an hour away. I don’t remember the name of the place but Joel does”_

**Elio**

“Meh it doesn’t matter I’ll come up with something.”

**Marzia**

_“Good”_

**Elio**

….

**Marzia**

_“Elio?”_

**Elio**

“Marzia I’ve been thinking about you”

**Marzia**

_Breaths “yeah?”_

**Elio**

“Yeah”

  


_Italy Crema September 9th morning_

 

“I’m gonna head into town quickly, I gotta pick up a new notebook” Elio rushed out from the house and told his parents, quickly what he needed to do. As he went to grab his bicycle he put on his headphones that hung around his neck, it blasted with nothingness.

He just didn’t want a conversation to start just this moment.

“Elio take an apple with you!” Anella‘s words didn’t reach Elio’s and so his slim figure was already placed upon his bike, going away.

 

“Thank you, have a nice day Alma!” Elio took the new notebook, the cover of it red and black, he shoved it down his backpack. Closing it as he left the shop, he knew most people in town just like he knew Alma, an old lady whom had worked most of her life at the same place. Elio wanted to travel, to fly beyond the sky and dive into rivers at sunrise. He couldn’t possibly stay her forever, not in a town filled with rotten flowers. He placed his butt on the bike seat and went his way around town for awhile, in company with himself. He then decided to visit his own place, his own place. He crossed the cold ankle water that had rushed down mountains only for him to walk in. He sat down in the grass an brought forward his backpack, holding it in his lap opening it and out he took the book Marzia had given him on his birthday.

He started to read the book, the first pages seemed like a maze a wonderful maze. His eyes went hazy, and he plucked a straw of grass. Twirling it around his pinky he kept still, Elio’s eyes wandered over the pages until he saw a drop land on a sentence in the book, becoming wet. He took his hand before his eyes. And he cried, unwanted tears and so he screams.

“I hate you!”

 

_Italy Crema September 11th evning_

 

“Sam phone for you” Anella left the room and went back to her reading. Samuel stood up and went to answer the call, his bare feet swifted their way across the floor.

**Samuel**

“Yes hello?”

**Oliver**

_“Hello mr Perlman!”_

**Samuel**

“Oliver! Hello how are you? Please, Sam I feel so old with the Mr Perlman”

**Oliver**

_Laughter “Yes Sam, forgive me. I’m good, I’m good how are you?”_

**Samuel**

“Oh I’m nice I’m nice. Everything’s great did you get my letters?”

**Oliver**

_Nodding “Yes I did, thank you it makes me very happy, I was actually calling because of it”_

**Samuel**

“Oh is something wrong?”

**Oliver**

_“No no not at all, I’m just. I’m not sure if it’s possible for me to….”_

**Samuel**

“I see”

**Oliver**

_“It’s not Elio I’m worried for, or of course I don’t want to cause him any more pain. It’s my wife. I can’t just leave her all alone”_

**Samuel**

“Please don’t worry about Elio. Pain is something wich will fade just like worry is something only onself can cause”

**Oliver**

_“Thank you, I will look into it. I’ll be in touch”_

**Samuel**

“Tell your wife my best hello. Later”

**Oliver**

_Low chuckle “I will, I will, say hello to everyone from me too. Later”_

And so both lines went dull. Samuel went to look for Anella and found here reading in the living room, “that was Oliver” Samuel sat down by his wife. “I know, will he come and help you?” Samuel shrugged his shoulder, “oh I’m not sure. he’s worried about Elio and his wife” Anella looked down to the floor, and shrugged her own shoulder’s.

“I would be too”

 

_Italy Crema September 11th same time_

 

Elio heard the phone ring but before he could answer it on his end, his mother’s hands had already won. He heard mumbles, a phone call for his dad. Elio then placed his headphones over his head again, turning up the volume. He didn’t need to listen in on whatever conversation Samuel and someone else had, he turned to his music. He didn’t dare to think of earlier today, of how he screamed to an invisible man. Of how his lungs hurt from drowning in tears. He felt less for himself.

He felt more for **him.**

 

****


	3. Chapter Three

_Northern Italy Crema. Year 1986_

_Bags_

_Clothes_

_Elio_

 

_**"You're too smart not to know how rare,** _

_**how special, what you two had was"** _

**_"Oliver was Oliver."_ **

 

 

_Italy Crema September 20th some time after morning_

 

“Mama!” Elio shouted fo his mother to hear downstairs, but no answer he received. “Mama!” The boy tried once again, he stood in front of his bed in a pair of shorts his upper body exposed for all to see, a luxury to some. Elio dropped the green shirt he were to fold and put in his bag, and stomped down the stairs instead. Samuel sat in the living room reading, “papà” Samuel looked up from his book not saying anything in return, not necessary. “Have you seen my necklace?” Samuel looked confused “the one you and mom gave me” Samuel shook his head slowly “no Elio, I’m sorry ask your mother” Elio rolled his eyes “well have you seen her?” Samuel smiled and pointed to the door. As Elio walked away “oh and Elio” Elio turned around to look at his father once more, annoyed and worried about his necklace. “Si?” Samuel noticed Elio’s annoyance “is everything alright with you?” Elio closed his eyes and breathed in. “What do you mean?” He asked his dad. Elio felt his father's embraced with only a look, yet they were too far away from one another “I was just wondering, remember you can talk to me about anything” The boy shot his father a confused look “I’m good dad, I’m fine” Elio didn’t give himself the satisfaction of breaking his father's heart. Not today not tomorrow. 

**Honest no.**

 

_Italy Crema September 20th another time_

 

“Has something happened?” Marzia stood by Elio’s bed looking at the boy, he stood by the window not looking at her. She easily detected Elio’s grumpy moods “I’ve lost my necklace” Elio now looked at Marzia instead of practicing the leafs of the tree outside his window. “The one your mom gave you?” Elio nodded as the question floated around in the heavy air, Marzia knew the necklace fitted an replacement for his old silver chain. “Well where did you have it last time?” Elio shrugged. “I don’t know around my neck?" He came of a bit bitchy he as Mazia noticed it, it's not her fault "I'm sorry, I looked all morning. It’s gone” Elio now has a shirt on, he isn’t sure why he dragged one over his arms, shoulders, head and hair. Did he do it for himself or for her? Everything felt like rain. Rain inside, inside a home. “Hey I’m sure you’ll find it someday, an object can’t just disappear unless you treat it badly, maybe your shoulders were too fat” this caused a humble of laughter. She made him smile once again, knowing just how slim the frame of Elio was. Only a small hurricane formed its way out of him, no one got hurt

no despair. Make world peace.

“Aren’t you excited?” Marzia almost danced to happiness. Elio didn’t do much except nod and say “yes, yes I Am” a few times. He weren’t sure why he doubted his own luck, his own fortune of life.

 

_Italy Crema September 20th night_

 

Elio swings his pencil across the paper laying on his desk drawing something from his mind. He’s alone now once again, Marzia went home hours ago she still lived with her parents too. He wasn’t sure why he tends to miss her more now than before, maybe it’s his selfishness speaking by the fear of being alone. The fact of being alone made him vulnerable to anything else, mostly his own head. It’s never easy having to take care of feelings you never wanted to feel in first place. So now he went to a safe place he walked over to the bed and fished his diary from under his matress, he still wrote one. Only a small amount of time he spent with it. But it became enough, he opened the pages and went back to his desk picking up a pencil while he sat down. Elio didn’t know what to write.

 

_I’m writing again to let things out, I shouldn’t feel this way? Why should I. I thought things would get easier as time went by. Things just aren’t. Everyone treats me like a baby, like I’m 17. Even I do. I need to grow up sometime soon. I lost my necklace._

_Marzia I and a couple of friends are going out of town soon. How will I make it out there? It worries me, I have nothing for them to know. ~~I miss his shorts.~~ _

 

And then he stopped writing, closed the book and left it on the desk. Time ticked and night soon would become day once more, Elio turned to bed. Elio turned to be alone again, as he closed his eyes he did everything not to think. But he knew this would be another night of endless horizons in his sleep. In his dreams. There were things that felt too real

things fitted his puzzle. And things he desires the most.

 

And then came the night

The dream went just the same. It started with a door, a door to Elio’s own house somewhere in Italy. Somewhere he felt at peace. Then came a knock, then another knock. And his whole eyesight shook with delight from hoping the person knocking would accept his touch. Would accept his love a. And Elio reached for the door, there Oliver stood

 

And so came the day.

 

_Italy Crema September 21th morning_

 

Waking up with coldness surrounding Elio’s pale summer skin became ordinary. He went on with his day like he usually do, stepping downstairs to eat breakfast like he usually do. As he were to pass the hallway to the outdoors he saw his father, standing by the phone back towards him, speaking to someone. Elio weren’t to stand still or interrupt so the door seemed like a pleasant escape. But he couldn’t shut his ears. “Great, great we will enjoy your stay. As you know it can get very cold up here during winter times. But we’ll only stay a couple of weeks. We won’t take up too much of your time” Elio stood by the outer door frame, watching his father. Wondering whom were to come and visit them. “Take care, **later** ” and time froze. It were like the water down by the rocks dried out, or like the birds singing suddenly died. Elio’s breath becomes melted iron, his heart a carrot. And so Samuel laid his eyes on the frame of a non existent human being, his son. The lover of the man he just hung up the phone with or so Elio thought. “Elio good morning, I didn’t see you there” Elio didn’t backfire with an answer this crippled the fingers of his father, so Samuel tried once more “did you sleep well?” Elio interrupted him “the phone, who were you speaking with?” Samuel smiled “a friend Elio. Just a friend” Samuel went towards the kitchen, no he couldn’t run. No he couldn’t hide. Elio after him. “A friend?” Samuel turned around as he walked “sì amico” Elio didn’t know why he reacted the way he did. The last word his father had said to his “ _friend”_ were the same heartbreaking message his former lover had said so many times during a summer. A word Elio first learned to hate then learned to absorb fully, formed into a blossoming love/hate affair.

 _“Later”_ Elio said, his father stood by the fridge now, not knowing what to search for.

“Later?” Samuel asked. Forming his word into a question with simply using the tone of his voice. “Yes you said it, who was on the phone?” Samuel laughed and smiled and then laughed some more. Elio knew Samuel never used that catchphrase. Elio stone cold.

“Oh Ellie belly, I don’t think when I speak. There’s an old friend of mine coming to visit us later in winter. He's helping me with a book. I just thought of how to make the goodbye light. And so..” Elio calmed. “Forgive me” Samuel finished, he noticed how it actually caused his son pain to be laughing about this matter. Then he kissed his son’s forehead lightly before leaving the scene, knowing what he just had done. Samuel knew what were to come.

 

Elio stands still by the door frame of the kitchen, thinking to himself. Knowing this has to end now, knowing a word can not cause him to falter in his living. And so he went to eat breakfast wishing he’d succeed without interruption from his past

* * *

* * *

 

Stepping out in the sun actually made him feel other things. Elio turning to say good morning to everyone then sitting down. Taking an egg and cracking it without difficulties. “Are you excited for tomorrow?” Anella his mother asked “yeah it’ll be fun” smiled Elio with his answer. Knowing it might cause him more anxiety than ever before, but he gave Marzia his promise he’d go with them, his bag on top of his bed upstairs.

So he will. So he will. “There’s a letter for you Elio” Anella said, “where?” Elio asks while placing a silver spoon inside his mouth with egg on it. “Inside, kitchen counter but eat up first” she smiled and Elio ate.

 

_Italy Crema September 21th while later_

 

Elio went to the kitchen to look for his letter, he graced the kitchen counter with his eyes. And there laid a light blue letter. He read the text on the outside of the letter. His address and then something more he didn’t bother to read, and his fingers ripped it open. The paper folded in his hand, he unfolded and began to read it.

 

_Dear Oliver_

 

He stopped reading, looked outside the kitchen window wanting to run and hide.

But this time he continued. Laying his eyes on the paper again.

 

_ I sent you this letter, only to wish you happy birthday. You probably won’t read this, but maybe you will I’m not sure. Enough with the rattle about you reading this or not, _

 

Why did a smile creep upon Elio’s lip, why did he want to puke.

 

_Hopefully it won’t arrive too long after your day,_

_Forgive me, I would have written you more, ask you a thousand questions._

_But this letter will probably cause you confusion or troubled feelings._

_Anyways happy birthday!_

 

_Love Elio_

 

Elio folded yet another letter again and again. Then he put it in his pocket, in the exact moment he felt liquid running down his nose. His fingers crossed it, blood deep red. He went upstairs quickly. Elio took a long shower that morning. Turing to his thoughts of why Oliver had decided to write him this birthday, why wouldn’t he let him forget. Only a person with self knowledge would do such a horrendous thing. Why wouldn’t Elio let himself loathe the older man in America. Things suddenly became interestingly sad. Why couldn’t time corrupt everything. He stood there water on his back eyelids closed, wishing to drown. Wishing a hole would swallow him up right this instant.

He didn’t have enough birthday candles for these types of wishes. Oliver to Elio wasn’t just a human for a human, Oliver to Elio became a god. A light touch by the man would tremble the boy, shake his whole world make ordinary things extremely extraordinary. That morning Elio wanted nothing more than to call the lover boy, to feel embraced once more. Before seeing another train.

 

_Itaky Crema September 22th early morning_

 

“Please look after one another” Elio hugged his mother, “yes mama we will, I promise” he kissed her on her right light pink cheek. Then he hugged his father whom were talking to Joel. “Don’t forget to have fun okay kiddo” Samuel created mischief with Elio’s hair, and Elio galloped away. “We won’t!” He yelled from the car standing parked on the gravel floor outside the house. Anella blows a kiss with her hand, as her husband waves as his son stepped into the car “chiao!”, after him Joel already inside Marzia. They were going to pick up the third musketeer on the way.

“Sammy?” Anella said as the dark green car drew away, Elio by the backseat window smiling then turning around in the car only to speak with his companions.

“Sì love?” They began to walk inside, Anellas arm linked around Samuel’s upper one. “Does he know?” Samuel looked at her and shook his head “no, not everything needs to be presented for him” Anella looked worried “he doesn’t deserve more pain” she sat down in the library.

“Love is the foundation of sorrow. There lies beauty. You learn to live by memories of what once was good”

Samuel sat by her side. Regret forming inside of him

Slowly he's going to cause great sadness for his own son. 

He just didn't see clear. 

  



End file.
